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My best friend (F 32) of 20 years ghosted me (F 32) because her husband passed and I’m distraught!

My best friend (F 32) of 20 years ghosted me (F 32) because her husband passed and I’m distraught!

 My best friend, “Jen”, and I have been close since we were 12 in middle school. We did everything together from choosing the same college, to moving into our first apartment together (we ended up living together for 9 years until she got married), and everything in between. 

When she got married I was her maid of honor and helped plan the majority of the ceremony. Jen is my sister, my family, and I love her so much.

I really did like her husband and thought they were a good match. However, during the pandemic lockdown, Jen started to confide in me that her husband was drinking a lot and she feared he was an alcoholic. I encouraged her to bring it up with him and see if he needed support/help to tackle the issue. I also for safety reasons asked her if she felt safe when he was drunk. Big mistake apparently. A few days after making this suggestion, her husband called me and accused me of meddling in their marriage and that I’ve crossed a boundary by accusing him of being an alcoholic (NOT WHAT I SAID!). I was taken aback by this. The next time Jen and I touched base she told me that she agrees that I’m overly involved in their marital issues and that they needed space. So I said okay totally and gave them space.


For almost two years, I didn’t have much interaction with Jen besides “happy Christmas!” calls, and once for my daughter’s baptism. I felt a lot of anxiety those past two years but I told myself it’s fine because we’re still talking.


Shortly after the holidays, Jen’s husband died in a DUI collision in which he was the driver. His BAC was .3! When I heard he died (over Facebook of all places), I called Jen. She told me that she preferred not to see me and that she did not want me at his funeral because her husband did not like me after the whole argument about getting him help for drinking .

I’m devastated. I miss my friend and I don’t know how to process this or handle it. 20 years gone over one fight?

TL;DR - my best friend thought I was meddling in her marriage b/e she thought her husband was an alcoholic and I suggested she talk to him about getting help. This caused an argument between him and I. He passed after the argument, and she no longer wants to speak to me.