My husband wants to continue texting his childhood friend that he cheated on me with.

 

My husband wants to continue texting his childhood friend that he cheated on me with. 

I gave him an ultimatum but he wants to compromise.

Before we get started, I made a post last week about the texting issue which caused me to give the ultimatum. So check it out if you want more details.

My husband cheating on me a 3 years ago with his childhood best friend (who also became my best friend). He stopped talking to her right afterwards. Fast forward to now, we’ve been having our own issues and have been talking about separating because we constantly fight and think it is negatively impacting our son. As soon as we talked about separating, he asked if he could text her to apologize to her. He started talking to her all day everyday.

We talked about staying together to try and work things out because like I said, we had our own problems beforehand. So we started hanging out more, going out to lunch together, playing video games together. During some of our time together I noticed that he was texting her, which upset me. I told him that I didn’t appreciate it and it hurt my feelings. I told him that I don’t feel comfortable with him texting her that much. I told him that I am still jealous and don’t trust them texting. He showed me the text messages and they were just talking about random stuff.

Fast forward to last week, we decided to go workout together. He put his phone in my purse so that I could put it in the locker. In the locker room I go to grab my phone, so that I can listen to music, but accidentally grab his (we have the exact phone and case). I checked the screen and noticed that there was a text from her so I open it up. I know people are probably going to give me crap for reading it and say that I was trying to dig for stuff but I was just curious. Anyways, I scroll up a bit and noticed that she was saying that I was controlling, a narcissist, a bad mom, and that I am using him. He never stuck up for me or anything and just said yeah. I was so upset and couldn’t even concentrate. By the time we get in the car he knows I am upset. I end up telling him what I saw and he got so mad and said that I was just trying to find something to fight about. He said that he just wanted someone to vent to and she was just being a friend and telling him what he wanted to hear. Previously, he has argued that she is trying to help us fix our marriage but obviously she is not. He said that he will stop talking to her about me and try to cut down how much he talks to her.

I finally broke down last night and told him that he either stops talking to her or we just split up. He said that he does not work with ultimatums and that we need to compromise. So I asked him what the compromise was and he said that he will continue to talk to her but much less and not while we are hanging out.

We’ve been fighting on and off today about the same thing over and over. I just don’t understand how he can ask me to be okay with this when he knows it upsets me every time he texts her. He said that I don’t understand because I’ve never had a childhood friend. I just need someone from the outside looking in to let me know if I am overreacting.

TLDR: My husband is texting his childhood best friend that he cheated on me with. I gave him an ultimatum but he wants to compromise by just texting her less