My [29, F] boyfriend [29, M] wants me to invite his ex-girlfriend/now friend to his birthday cabin weekend that I'm throwing for him.

 

Hi! So a bit of background. My boyfriend dated this girl years ago and they are now friends. This is perfectly fine, as the only thing that is important to me is respect and boundaries.

So this same ex threw a party for her 30th earlier this year (no +1s allowed, perhaps due to money, I'm not sure). My boyfriend had made a comment saying that although he would have loved to bring me, he didn't want to be disrespectful to his ex by having me there. Also, he mentioned that a lot of the people there knew that he and the girl dated, and it might be awkward.

Although I was a tad uncomfortable with the situation, I was completely fine with him going to her party without me, because I understand that they're friends. But it was the comment about not being disrespectful to her that made me overthink and feel a type of way.

Fast forward to now, I'm throwing a cabin weekend for my boyfriend's 30th. He mentioned to me to make sure to add this same girl to the list. While I get they are friends, I got pretty upset because I feel uncomfortable with the fact that it's ok for her to be at his birthday that I'm throwing, but when it comes to be coming to hers, it would make things uncomfortable/not be respectful.

Now I also feel like the bad guy because I don't want to leave out people that he doesn't want at HIS birthday that I'm planning.

I just want to know whether or not I am being unreasonable and if anybody has any advice on how I should move.

TLDR: My [29, F] boyfriend [29, M] wants me to add his ex-girlfriend/now friend to his 30th birthday party that I'm planning. However, when his ex turned 30 earlier this year, she did not allow plus ones and my boyfriend mentioned that even if she did, it may have been disrespectful to her to have me there. What about my feelings? I just want to know if I am being unreasonable